Don't know what this post is going to be about, i just feel like ranting

raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ntozake Shange

I love her stuff...


she rose
movin the arms & legs that trapped hershe sighed affirmin the sculptured man& made herself a bathof dark musk oil egyptian crystals& florida water to remove his smell

Open Up To The New

'When Harry met Sally' was playing and this line was said that hit me and stuck. It was one of those things that sort of 'put into words' what I've been feeling. It was ..."I don't miss him. I just miss the idea of him."...yes! That's it! That's all it is. Some people are only meant to be in your journey for a short period of time. It does not mean we dismiss them and the fact is that no matter how hard we try, if they had a huge impact on our soul and/or taught us a much awaited for lesson, then we just simply cannot erase them! They make up part of our story and played an important role in that part of it. That yearning we feel, is a yearning for that moment but not for that exact person. As humans we are nostalgic by nature. So, when you start feeling like you miss someone - don't judge it, put it in perspective and know that it'll pass. Embrace and appreciate past encounters for what they were at that moment in time and continue writing your story by adding new characters that will also play an important role in your saga!

Changing the World

'Do small things with great love' says Mother Teresa. It's probably her way of saying not everyone can be "Mother Teresa". God chooses the Mother Teresas of the world. Those he knows can handle it. Why is everyone not meant to be a "Mother Teresa"? Because it's hard work filled without a lot of sacrifices, God knows this and doesn't want us to hurt. The world would be in a lot better place if we were all Mother Teresas but it's not realistic, think about it. So do what you gotta do everyday to be happy so that you can wake up everyday and help  make the world a better place in small, gentle, baby steps including yourself in the process.

Relationships

A day will come when you realize that relationships are the most precious things on this planet. I don't just mean relationships as in boyfriend/girlfriend, I mean: your relationship with the Divine, your relationship with the universe (including other humans, insects, plants, animals, etc.), your relationship with yourself,  your relationship with the injustices of the world and your relationship with whatever awaits us after death. Your stance on these five relationships defines who you are and the kind of life you will lead. I began to think about this because we spoke about it at a women's group I attend and also because today I realized that how you choose to interact with other human beings makes such a difference to your daily. We can choose to just live as one and our lives become so much more easier. Not just with the people in your life already but with humanity as a whole. It's so much more fulfilling when there are no barriers, no personas, no hidden agendas and no hate. When we understand and treat each other like humans going through the same motions, life is so much cooler. It really is. I wish to have more of these vulnerable relationships so that we can share and love more!

Start Hugging

Sometimes, all you need is.
A hug.
No words.
Simply just, a hug.

Start hugging :)

Happiness is in those who believe

You either believe, or you don't. Where's your heart at?

Dance to your own beat!

Enjoying Life

It's time to enjoy life. I've been on the hustle for 13 years now and I've finally decided to slow down, check-in, reflect, find me and live with conviction. As counter intuitive as this sounds, slowing down makes me feel anxious. I don't like it. I've been living my life worrying too much and controlling too much. I want it all to fall into place. Into a 'perfect' place. Wrongfully, thinking that there is a right way to live your life. This causes one to always look back and attempt to bring things back as they were but in an improved way. So basically you trick your psyche by saying, "I am a new me now so I need to go back and fix my wrongs". There is no forward motion with this kind of thinking. There's simply a lot of stalling and stagnation. There is no fun. There is no happiness. There is no fulfillment. There is no love. There is no vulnerability to the world to what it has to offer. There is trying to get along with everyone at the cost of not standing for anything ("if you stand for nothing, you'l fall for anything") and end up more confused. Also, you try to paint the perfect picture (I've painted and believe me there is no perfect picture during and in the end result. Actually you never know when you're done a painting, it kinda has no end because you can keep going forever).
All there is then is careful step taking with no trust, no love and a lot of worry. Worry because of fear that'll you end up in a bad situation, fear that you've made the wrong choice, fear that you won't do all that you dream of doing and fear of what others think of you.
This journey is about living with fulfilment. Fulfilment is defined by each person's heart's desires and logical progression. I've been living an unfulfilling and fearful life; a careful life. So where has this type of life style taken me? It's taken me to a place of unhappiness, confusion of my needs and wants, loss of my sense of identity, over thinking and over dramatizing any situation, fear of not fitting in so try to follow a crowd. But none of the crowds are fitting anymore. The crowd that I was trying to make fit for years has caused me to choke and I want to break free. I want to break free of the judgements that I have on things and people and most importantly myself. I want to break free from fear. I want to break free of the perfect picture mindset. Time to do me. Time to have fun. Time to explore and find my own path. All with the help of the Divine of course :)

Thoughts

Some days, weeks, months or even years, you just don't feel like expressing your thoughts to the world. This is one of those days. Although, this post was a thought in of its self :)

SO much I want to do but not enough time

I've thought about this for a bit and realized a few things about this interesting human feature. I'm talking about that innate trait that we have where we have so many ideas and interests and want to do them all at once.
1) We can't do EVERYTHING at once or over one lifetime. That would be just perfect. Perfection is not realistic nor is it attainable so forget about doing everything and start choosing one or two of your passions, at least.
2)  Rather than focusing your attention on how you can turn your passion into a success story that everyone will recognize so that you can be praised and coined as someone who's unique and different, just  execute on your passion simply for the sake of it. And besides, this whole phenomenon about making a mark on how you're 'being youself' by being unique is misleading because it steers you away from just doing things you love by focusing too much on the ego's fulfillment.
3) Think outside the box. Think of ways you can incorporate doing what you love with your current job. If you can't think of ideas, ask family, friends, co-workers and your boss. I've realized that no matter what you're doing as a 9-5, there are always ways to incorporate what you love with it. If not, then go to 4)
4) Find a flexible job that pays you enough to live but gives you enough time to pursue what you love on the side.

A few things to think about...any other suggestions?

Peace

The Coming Together - Right back at ya

At first I, wasn't intrigued
But you, came anyway
You, came hard and bold
You, gave my, soul no choice
But to respond to you,
So I, came to you,
Harder and bolder.

Madvillain

This is my kinda jam when I'm getting dressed...

Career

Career is important to most people, especially to young people. When you're young, career is such a BIG DEAL. We feel the need to prove ourselves to the world through what job we have, the amount of time it took us to find a job after graduation, the salary, the status of the organization, our success at the job, etc. You find that many people even bluff about how happy they are in their job in fear of seeming unsuccessful because they haven't found their 'it' job yet after only a few years of graduation. In reality, you may only get to your 'it' job when you're 40 so why not just ride the wave and  remain open to opportunities that tug at your heart? I began to ask my self, why is career such a big deal? What about the rest of your life? Why don't we try to measure success based on true happiness in our overall life as opposed to the mere success in our career? Which by the way, is most often based on social and professional standards as opposed to our own criteria for success. Social constructivism is so powerful and hard to break out of. I met a young girl in her 3rd year of University at the Reviving the Islamic Spirit Conference (a yearly conference held in Toronto). She was studying what I had studied in University and was caught up in the same pressures of pursuing the 'next best steps' to be successful that everyone in our field (and other fields) suffered from. So, naturally she was confused between what she wanted to do and what a profession asked of her. Since I had somewhat followed the 'must do' vs the 'what my heart desires' route, I told her flat out that, yes, you end up with a good job that pays well but if your heart is not in it then it won't mean anything after a few years of just following a script. A good balance between whatever you consider to be logical and your desires is a wise way to go. She told me that it was the best advice she had received so far. That comment reassured me as well. It took me many years to figure that out and even with that knowledge, it does take cojones to break barriers, follow your heart's desires (if you can even manage to gage that voice within) and just plunge in!!

Islam Care Centre - Ottawa Mural Making

Lately I've been intrigued by street art, wall art, murals, etc. I find that they beautify cities and places or in some cases, simply add an edge! Check out #hop2012 - House of Paint Hip-Hop festival under a bridge for some amazing Ottawa talent.

So, with this inspiration I gathered some friends to have some fun and embellish some community centres across Ottawa. See below our work for Islam Care Centre.

T.O.

I spent a couple of weeks at my friend's apartment in Toronto over the Christmas break. The apartment was 10 minutes North-East of downtown Toronto so location was great. I go to Toronto a lot for all sorts of reasons - conferences, visiting friends, enjoying, shopping, etc., and this last visit made me realize that the more I visit Toronto the more I find it unglamorous. Sad to day but it's true. Maybe, I'm used to small cities. Anyway, but even with that I always appreciate the diversity of people and the liberalism. This is a city that breaks barriers: swinger bars, lesbian Muslims, big flashy strip bars, 50 gourmet donut shops and best of all a store that sells Ninja Turtle sweaters. I tend to forget that the best part about travelling is that you're out of your comfort zone. This means that you expose yourself a little more because, hey, you're a stranger in a foreign part of the globe (at least you think so until you bump into someone you know aka Muna and you have that magical moment)! In exposing myself, I found myself making snow angels on a Church property with my Egyptian friend who froze her fingers off, eeek. We quickly entered a Tim Horton's to warm her up (it took over 15 minutes) - snow angels, frostbite and Tim Horton's - talk about a real Canadian experience! To add to this wonderful experience I had in Toronto, I met a beautiful soul that touched my heart in a delightful way. Thanks for everyone who shared a slice of their life with me in Toronto.